


no man is an island (but we sure are on one)

by kaeda



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Canon-typical Uk'otoa, Fluff, Getting Together, Islands, M/M, POV Caduceus Clay, Set post c2e99
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 06:00:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24100000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaeda/pseuds/kaeda
Summary: Fjord takes advantage of the Mighty Nein's island getaway to romance Caduceus. It takes Caduceus some time to notice.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay/Fjord
Comments: 48
Kudos: 264





	no man is an island (but we sure are on one)

**Author's Note:**

> **Note (11/12/20): this fic was written before Cad was confirmed aro, and I wrote this fic with the headcanon that he was gray ace and reflecting my own gray ace/demi experience. I hope you will still enjoy it even though it's no longer an accurate portrayal of Caduceus's orientation.**
> 
> Super huge thanks to [Ariadne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mousecookie/pseuds/mousecookie), who I have inflicted Critical Role on for months now, for the beta read and title workshopping.
> 
> If you really want to get into the mood with this fic, I highly recommend a playlist of Debussy, especially “Prelude to the Afternoon of a Faun”, as that’s primarily what I wrote this to. The name of my Word document for this fic was “this is really just an excuse to write lots of romantic island scenes”, which should tell you all you need to know about it.
> 
> This fic contains spoilers up to campaign 2, episode 99! When the show gets back, this is going to be retconned almost immediately, but I hope you guys enjoy it all the same.

Thinking up a plan for Travelercon came together haphazardly in a whirlwind of chaos once the Mighty Nein reached Rumblecusp.

Caduceus kept himself mostly out of the way, not really feeling comfortable aiding and abetting a con artist into making people believe he was a god, especially with the Traveler’s words still ringing in his ears – _“nothing happens for a reason. It’s absolute fucking chaos.”_ The whole thing still sat uneasy with him.

However, Caduceus loved his friends very much, and he wouldn’t do anything to interfere. So instead, he found himself sitting on a white sand beach on a blanket they’d repurposed from the Ball Eater, waves lapping gently upon the shoreline, watching Jester run a planning session for Travelercon like some sort of trickster general.

“That’s not _enough_ ,” she said sternly, pouting in Beau’s direction. “We can’t just confuse them, Beau! They have to believe the Traveler will always be with them, but he’s also _way_ too powerful and busy to give them personal attention.”

Caduceus hid a smile as Beau backpedaled from her previous comment; it was incredibly obvious to everyone except Jester that Beau would pretend to be the Traveler herself if it meant making Jester smile.

Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Fjord and Veth return from doing a circuit of the perimeter of the beach, where the dunes faded slowly out into jungle. Fjord’s eyes met his, and he immediately changed course, drifting over to lower himself down next to Caduceus on the blanket.

“Planning going well?” he asked.

“You know how it is,” Caduceus replied easily, trying not to be pleased that Fjord had decided to join him instead of the others. Usually, planning a caper was Fjord’s favorite thing to be involved with.

Fjord grinned. “They’re putting a lot of effort into a plan that won’t survive the moment the others start arriving,” he guessed.

“Isn’t that what we always do?” Caduceus asked with a half-smile. Fjord didn’t answer, and after a moment, Caduceus glanced over to see Fjord squinting at him. “What is it? Is there something on my face?”

“Don’t you—where’s your hat?” Fjord asked.

Caduceus blinked in surprise. “I gave it to Clarabelle,” he said, flicking his ears. What a strange question.

“You’re burning,” Fjord said, his voice filled with concern. “Your ears are red, and your nose,” and Caduceus’s heart skipped a beat as Fjord reached out with his thumb and brushed it gently against the soft tip of Caduceus’s nose, the electricity of the touch coursing down his spine. Caduceus gave a small gasp on an inhale before he could stop himself, but Fjord didn’t seem to notice, already moving to gently run the soft fur of Caduceus’s ears between his thumb and forefinger. “Can you feel that? Does it hurt?”

Caduceus focused on breathing and not giving away how much Fjord’s touch was disconcerting him. Firbolgs were by nature tactile, pack-oriented people, and while the Mighty Nein gave him occasional hugs and cuddles, enough for him to get by, it just wasn’t the _same_ as being surrounded by his family.

He’d already resigned himself to lack of touch – all he needed were Fjord’s soft caresses now, especially when they made his heart ache.

“What? I don’t—”

His confusion must have shown in his eyes, because Fjord’s look turned kind and he smiled indulgently. “You’re _sunburnt_ ,” he said, all fondness in his voice. “Let’s find you a hat, shall we?” He hefted himself back to his feet and wandered off to the rest of the group, leaving a very flustered Caduceus watching him go and trying not to think about the way those pants fit him _very_ well.

Fjord asked the group a question, too faint to hear over the breeze that was starting to blow off the sea and whip Caduceus’s hair around his face. Whatever Fjord had asked, they all turned as one to look at Caduceus, and he gave them all a friendly wave.

“We could just _heal_ him,” Jester said, voice loud enough to be heard even from a distance, and Caduceus’s heart soared with the stern expression on Fjord’s face in response. It was foolish, falling in love with Fjord like he had, but no one had ever told him that unrequited love could bring so much joy, even as it also hurt.

Finally Jester gave what was clearly an indulgent sigh and dug in the bag of holding at her side until she produced her paint set and paintbrush. She grabbed one of the larger planks of wood that they’d brought from the Ball Eater in case they needed to set up a campsite and quickly painted a large umbrella and a straw hat almost identical to Caduceus’s old one, handing both items to Fjord.

Fjord grinned at her and said something unintelligible before heading back towards Caduceus, stumbling a bit under the weight of the umbrella, which looked to be at least as tall as Caduceus himself. Fjord scowled as he wobbled back to his feet, but his eyes caught Caduceus’s again and his annoyed expression transformed into a smile as he made his way back over.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Caduceus said.

“You do nice things for us all the time,” Fjord replied stubbornly. “Let me return the favor.” Balancing the closed beach umbrella on the ground at his side, he leaned over and placed the straw hat squarely on Caduceus’s head, pulling up on the brim so that he could see Caduceus’s face. Their eyes locked. Caduceus’s traitorous heart caught in his throat.

Caduceus looked up at him, wondering how, if everything was fucking chaos, the Wildmother had managed give him such a gift as Fjord, paladin to his Goddess, with fate tying them together so neatly, and then made him so _handsome_.

Fjord stared down at him, looking equally shell-shocked. His own cheeks had a hint of plum coloring to them, barely visible under the green of his skin, and Caduceus wondered if he was getting a bit of a sunburn of his own.

The umbrella balancing at Fjord’s side began to fall to gravity, and Fjord dragged his gaze from Caduceus’s as he struggled to yank it upright again. “Let me get this set up for you,” he said gruffly, not meeting Caduceus’s eyes again as he busied himself trying to push the umbrella open. Jester had drawn an awfully big one, taller than Fjord and draped with heavy cloth, and it was almost comical to watch Fjord try to set it up.

“Need any help with that?” Yasha asked as she walked back from the tree line, a small smirk on her lips.

“No!” Fjord yelped stubbornly from beneath the umbrella’s brim. “It’s all fine!”

Caduceus sighed fondly and pushed himself to his feet, stepping up next to Fjord and gently grabbing the handle of the umbrella. Unintentionally, his hands landed on the umbrella directly below Fjord’s, their fingers brushing. Fjord started in surprise.

“Let me help you,” Caduceus murmured calmly, trying not to show how much all the inadvertent touching was sending jolts through him. With his height, he easily was able to haul the umbrella open, and the rest of the group cheered down the beach.

“I could have done that,” Fjord muttered stubbornly. The back of his neck was a bit purple as well; he definitely was also getting a sunburn, Caduceus mused.

“I know you could have,” Caduceus said with an easy smile, helping Fjord guide the umbrella until it was sticking up in the sand, blocking out a perfect crescent of sun right where his blanket was placed. He let go of the umbrella and miraculously, it remained standing upright. He grinned at Fjord. “All set.”

Fjord gave him a theatrical glare, but couldn’t hide the bits of a smile twitching at the corners of his mouth.

Caduceus seated himself back on the blanket, enjoying the way the wind tousled Fjord’s hair in the afternoon sunlight. Caduceus had never met anyone he wanted to just _look_ at for hours like Fjord. Sometimes, it was even too much, like Fjord was too bright, similar to looking straight at the sun.

Caduceus tilted his head, glancing at the blanket next to himself in invitation. “Sit with me?”

“If you insist,” Fjord said with a small smile, seating himself next to Caduceus and thankfully not even seeming to notice when Caduceus’s tail curved around his back protectively. They glanced back over at the Nein, who were all still watching them with identical smirks.

“What are you all looking at?!” Fjord yelled. “Don’t you have work to do?”

“Yeah, yeah!” Jester yelled. “We have Travelercon to plan!”

* * *

Caduceus squinted through the transparent dome of the tiny hut, where he could barely make out the shapes of the stars. The sand made a quite comfortable bed beneath him, and he was surrounded by the deep breathing and snuffles that told him the rest of the party were asleep. Despite the late hour, Caduceus was filled with far too much energy, lying in the sand thinking about the way Fjord had looked at him as he’d tilted up the brim of his hat, bright in the sunlight.

He was being ridiculous. He’d lived a sheltered life, and he’d never had a crush on _anyone_ before meeting Fjord, but being swept up in his one-sided feelings wasn’t helpful to anyone.

Caduceus glanced up at the stars above him again, sleep still eluding him, before he exhaled gustily and got to his feet as silently as he could, stepping over Caleb and Veth and dipping outside the hut. He exchanged a nod with Yasha on watch, her gaze never straying from the tree line. Their campfire in the sand was burned low to embers, and there were no moons in the sky, only a bright starscape that swam out over the dark horizon of the ocean.

Caduceus still wasn’t sure if he liked the ocean, but he was learning to appreciate it.

Without dark vision, he knew it was foolish to stray too far from the tiny hut, so he remained in the area near their dying fire, walking slightly closer to the ocean so that he could seat himself cross-legged in the sand, close his eyes, and listen to the waves crashing against the shore in the distance.

Once he had grounded himself sufficiently, he tilted his head back to look at the stars splayed brilliantly above him. It was lovely. The constellations were in slightly different positions than he was used to in the Grove, but he was still able to pick out some familiar ones, even so far away from home. The air was thick with humidity despite the dead of night, and he found himself very aware that being covered with a light layer of fur was not the ideal biological trait in the tropics.

Behind him, a footfall sounded.

Caduceus’s head shot around, deeply aware of every sound around him – but he immediately recognized the shadowed silhouette stepping out of the tiny hut and beginning to walk in his direction. A moment later, Fjord seated himself next to him, yawning sleepily.

“Everything all right?” Fjord asked, his face ever so faintly lit by starlight. Caduceus’s heartbeat sped up, a drumbeat against his ribcage.

“I’m fine,” he said, and it was almost true. “Just looking at the stars. Couldn’t see them clearly through the hut.”

“Ah,” Fjord murmured, leaning back on his elbows to study the sky. “The stars are one of the best parts of being at sea. I missed seeing them so brightly when we were inland.”

Glancing out at the second, bright ocean above their heads, Caduceus could see why. The Grove had brilliant stars as well, at least in the clearings, but it was nothing like seeing them splayed across the horizon of an open sea. “There are so many things I’ve seen,” he said. “So many things that remind me how far I am from home.”

He could feel Fjord’s eyes on his face, and he stubbornly refused to meet his gaze, instead continuing to look at the sky and wondering why Fjord was staring at him for so long. They sat in silence for a long moment.

“Do you wish you’d gone back with your family?” Fjord asked at last.

Caduceus breathed into the silence, forcing himself not to ignore the question or change the subject, even though every instinct screamed at him to do so. This was _Fjord_. He owed him a real answer, even though talking about himself sometimes made him feel like he was tearing his own hair out.

“Sometimes?” he said with a self-deprecating laugh. Then he shook his head. “No, that’s not true. I—wish I’d been a person who’d wanted to go back with them. All I wanted to do was stay with you.”

The words echoed in the air, and Caduceus played them back and realized what he’d said, feeling his cheeks warm. “I mean, all of you, the Mighty Nein,” he clarified quickly.

Fjord was quiet for the space of a heartbeat. Caduceus glanced over and saw the ghost of a smile on his face, barely visible in the dim light as he stared up at the sky. He couldn’t help himself and felt an answering smile coming out as well. For all the guilt he still held over his selfish choice to stay with the Nein, it was worth it for this perfect moment, sitting on a beach with Fjord with the stars above them.

“You’re allowed to want things for yourself,” Fjord said at last, breaking the comfortable silence once more.

Caduceus sighed. _Other people_ were allowed to want things for themselves. He had to be many things – a good son, a good cleric, a good follower of the Wildmother – and that meant that the things he wanted had to come second.

“So are you,” he deflected. “What are you looking for now that you’re free of Uk’otoa?”

It was Fjord’s turn to sigh. “Am I free?” he mused. “I don’t know, everything seems to stretch out in front of me now, in a way it didn’t before.” He absent-mindedly stroked his chest, right where his deadly wound had been, and Caduceus looked back at the sky to avoid thinking about it. “I think I just want to stay with our friends and become the best paladin I can.”

“That’s enough to want,” Caduceus murmured, wishing he could tell his own traitorous heart the same.

“And _you_ just deflected from talking about your feelings again,” Fjord added. “Don’t think I didn’t notice. What do you want, Caduceus?”

 _You_ , Caduceus didn’t answer.

“To stay with our friends,” he echoed instead. “To find out where the Wildmother intends for me to go next. I want to experience new things, learn more about Her and Her plans for me.”

“And what about your plans for yourself?” Fjord prodded. He was getting quite good at digging beneath Caduceus’s canned responses. It was disconcerting.

“Those are my plans for myself.” Overhead, a flash shot across the sky, leaving an arc of starlight in its wake. “Look at that,” Caduceus murmured.

“What?” Fjord craned his neck. “Did you see something?”

“There was a shooting star.” Fjord made a sound of discontent just as another shot across the sky. “There’s another one.” Caduceus glanced over at Fjord’s furrowed brow and pointed at the area of the sky where he’d seen them appearing. “Look over here.”

To his shock, Fjord scooted right against his side to position his head next to Caduceus’s, trying to see where his hand was pointing. His body was warm against Caduceus, their thighs and shoulders brushing, and now Caduceus _knew_ he was flushing, feeling heat down the back of his neck.

Another shooting star shot across the sky. “There,” said Caduceus, gently knocking his head against Fjord’s. “Did you see that one?”

“I saw it!” Fjord whispered excitedly, turning to grin at him. Caduceus was abruptly aware of how close their faces were, their eyes meeting, their mouths just inches apart, and fear seized him as though he’d been drenched with a bucket of cold water. He’d never wanted anybody before, not like this, and it _terrified_ him.

He slid backwards in the sand, barely registering Fjord’s expression of surprise and hurt, before he hastily got to his feet. “Well, it’s probably time to be getting some sleep, have to get my spells back,” he said.

“You didn’t even use your spells today,” Fjord pointed out, the furrow in his brow barely visible in the dim light.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Fjord,” Caduceus said. “Good night.”

He quickly made his way back to the tiny hut and crawled inside, stepping over Veth once more and curling up on his bedroll.

Fjord didn’t return for a good half hour. When he heard Fjord return and settle on the opposite side of Beau, Caduceus closed his eyes and desperately wished to be back on the sand, their sides brushing, about to lean in for a kiss.

* * *

The next morning was awkward, as Caduceus had known it would be. Fjord clearly didn’t understand why Caduceus had reacted the way he had, and he watched him with sad eyes from across the fire as Caduceus prepared a nice breakfast for everyone. Caduceus let their eyes meet just once and returned his gaze with an apologetic look, but if anything, that seemed to make the glances worse.

The others didn’t seem to notice anything was amiss, wrapped up in their own business. “We should check out the village today, connect with local leadership and make sure they’re aware of the people coming to their island,” Beau was saying. “Maybe they can help us figure out where to put all these people up while they’re here for Travelercon.”

“I was thinking we could all just camp on the beach,” Jester replied. “It would be _so_ fun, don’t you think so, Fjord?”

Fjord made a noise that implied that he didn’t actually think it would be fun, and Caduceus wondered if that had more to do with a certain aborted beach stargazing attempt than his actual feelings about camping on the beach. He shook his head to clear his thoughts. His awareness of the feelings and motivations of others was exceedingly convenient until it gave him way too much information about things that involved _him_.

The conversation about accommodations carried on around him, but Caduceus quickly lost the thread of it as he prepared some fish they’d caught the day before for breakfast and passed the food around. They ate quickly, and then Beau, Jester, and Fjord were getting to their feet.

“We’ll be back,” Beau said, leading the other two off. Caduceus stared after them for a moment, glad to have Fjord’s mournful eyes away but also unsure of what was happening. The looks, the eye contact—it was all starting to add up to inconveniently requited love, and that was almost worse than the unrequited warmth in his heart that he’d carried for Fjord for months on end. It was far more terrifying, like looking over the edge of a cliff and knowing he was probably going to jump.

“Where are they going?” he asked the rest of the group.

“They are looking for the village,” Caleb replied, paging through his spellbook.

Caduceus thought about who they’d sent, realized there was a 50/50 chance they’d come back either having befriended the village or turned every other creature on the island into their enemies, and began unpacking his medical supplies.

The group returned a few hours later, thankfully no worse for wear other than a bit of blood splattered across Beau’s sash from some unfortunate creature that had run into them.

“So here’s the deal,” Jester said, standing in the middle of the rest of them, a queen in her element. “The village is very small.”

“It doesn’t even have an inn,” Beau added.

“There’s no inn on a tiny village on a volcanic island in the middle of nowhere?” Caleb asked. Beau flipped him off fondly.

“So we will definitely have to have them camp on the beach,” Jester continued as though the exchange next to her hadn’t happened. “The people in the village said there is a good beach on the other side of the volcano, so I think we should check it out today.”

Caduceus glanced up at the mountain in the distance – Rumblecusp wasn’t large, but trekking across the entire island would still probably take them a good couple hours. Turning his attention back to Jester, his eyes caught Fjord’s gaze, and Fjord made a silly face in response. Caduceus gave a small smile despite himself and raised his eyebrows in Jester’s direction. Fjord gave a barely perceptible shrug in return.

“—so it should be fine, but I think Fjord wanted to check it out on our way over.” Jester saying Fjord’s name suddenly brought Caduceus back to the conversation occurring around him.

“Huh,” he said. “Check out what?”

Jester and Beau stared at him. “The volcano?” Beau asked.

“Oh!” Caduceus said, breaking out into a smile. “Yeah. Right, we need to get rid of the orb.”

“Right,” said Fjord, still watching Caduceus and not even bothering to try to be subtle. “I suggested we stop on the way to the beach.”

“Can we not just take the boat from the Ball Eater around the island?” Caleb asked, frowning. “It would be faster, and we can have Orly follow us in the ship.”

“No way,” said Veth. “Go by water? I’m not suicidal.”

“We have too many things here to carry across the island.” Caleb pointed at the blankets, the giant beach umbrella that was still sticking up in the sand a few feet away, the stacks of timber, the rowboat that they’d used to come ashore from the Ball Eater, and the bags full of Traveler figurines that Jester had insisted on bringing. “We can’t just leave everything here. The boat is the logical choice.”

“Sounds like we have to split the party!” said Veth. “I call going by land.”

“That’s a bad idea,” said Caduceus, already sensing he was going to be overruled.

“I still want to check out that volcano,” said Fjord. “I can accompany Veth.”

“Yes,” said Veth, “But we also should bring along someone capable of carrying a beach umbrella.” Fjord made a sour face at her. “We should take a cleric too, in case we run into any nasties. Jester, do you want to come on an island adventure with me and Fjord?” She wiggled her eyebrows, which somehow was even more suggestive now that she was a halfling than it had been when she’d been a goblin.

Jester was looking straight at Caduceus. Caduceus looked down at himself, wondering if there was something weird going on with him, but everything appeared normal. “No, I should really stay with the Traveler’s figurines,” Jester said a moment later, looking back towards Veth. “I think Caduceus should go.”

Caduceus blinked in surprise, not really sure what was going on. Jester, dodge a chance to go anywhere with Fjord? “Oh,” he said. “Well, I…sure, I can go over land with you.” He glanced back in Fjord’s direction somewhat shyly and was surprised to find he was giving Jester a stern look. It was as though the dynamics of the group had suddenly shifted all at once, and nothing made sense anymore.

“Caleb, do you want to come with us too?” Veth asked, sparking off an argument about who else would be going by which route.

While the rest of the group debated, Caduceus sidled over to where Jester was preparing her bags of figurines to put back in the boat. “Let me help you,” he said, and she smiled at him brightly and handed him a sack which was _much_ heavier than it looked.

Caduceus made a face but lugged it towards the rowboat, hefting it into the bow. Jester tossed two more sacks besides the first. “Thanks for your help!” she said brightly.

“Jester,” Caduceus said, “are you all right?”

Jester stared at him, a cute look of confusion on her face. “Why would I not be all right?” she asked.

“I just thought you would have wanted to go with Fjord,” he said, trying to sound like he had no stakes in any part of this conversation, and Jester’s confusion smoothed into a small, wistful smile.

“No, Caduceus,” she said, like he was silly and had missed something important. “You can go with Fjord across the island.”

Somehow, Caduceus felt like they weren’t actually talking about going across the island.

“Are you sure?” he asked. “I would have thought—”

“People change, Caduceus,” Jester said, and Caduceus hadn’t even known she could _speak_ so softly. “It’s okay.” She smiled brightly at him.

Caduceus felt the back of his neck grow warm. They definitely were not speaking about going across the island. “You’ve moved on,” he said at last.

Jester squared her shoulders and looked up at him, right in the eye, all fierceness. “We’re all family, Caduceus,” she said. “And I can’t date my _brother_. Ew.”

Caduceus wrinkled his nose. “We’re not _all_ family.”

Jester looked over as Fjord walked towards them, dragging a sack of his own. “Need any help?” he asked.

“Nope!” said Jester brightly, taking the sack from him and lifting it easily. “Caduceus was just telling me that he doesn’t think of you like a brother.”

Fjord’s eyebrows raised. “Well, that’s fortunate,” he said, glancing over at Caduceus with a lopsided smile.

“I believe _Jester_ was saying—” Caduceus began, but they were off and running without him.

“Yes, and so even though we are all family, we are not necessarily _related_ ,” Jester said, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. “If you know what I mean.”

Caduceus was starting to think something had been discussed while they’d all been on their errand to the village, and it possibly had to do with him.

Fjord sighed. “Yes, thank you, Jester,” he said in a long-suffering tone. He glanced over at Caduceus, squared his shoulders, and reached out and took Caduceus by the hand.

Caduceus blinked, staring in surprise at the green palm around his.

“C’mon, Ducey,” Fjord said, a hint of Vandren’s accent coming out like it occasionally did at times. “If we want to make the other beach by dark, we should go.” Caduceus let himself be led away, shooting one last confused look at Jester’s smirking face.

“Have fun!” Jester shouted after them. “Be safe!”

* * *

Caduceus wasn’t sure if he was relieved or disappointed that Fjord dropped his hand after a few moments of tugging him along, but soon they were making their way across the interior of Rumblecusp with Caleb and Veth. Their group emerged from the jungle to hike across a plain of long grasses, the volcano in the distance growing ever larger. The midday sun shone high overhead, stiflingly hot, and the humidity made Caduceus wish he had the hairlessness of some of his companions.

“So I have a question,” Veth said, shoving a particularly annoying piece of grass away from her face. “What if we throw a Travelercon and nobody shows?”

“That won’t happen,” Caduceus said confidently. The Traveler may not have been a god, but his followers still had faith in him, and they would come. Caduceus knew about faith. Sometimes, it was the only thing he had any confidence in, anymore.

“Are you sure?” Veth asked, narrowing her eyes against the sun as she squinted up at him. “Because we haven’t run into a single one of them yet, and it’s not like this island is easy to get to.”

“We still have a few days,” Caduceus pointed out. “We’re early.”

Fjord wrinkled his nose. “She has a point,” he said at last, not making eye contact with Caduceus. “A few days is nothing on land, where travel is more precise, but on the sea…some of them should have arrived by now.”

Caleb shrugged. “There are other ways to get to Rumblecusp besides by ship,” he said. “I trust Jester.”

“It’s not that I don’t _trust Jester,”_ Veth said. “I don’t know much about faith. None of the gods care at all about _me_.”

“That’s a mighty big assumption,” Caduceus said cheerfully, unbothered as always by the rest of the group’s skepticism.

Veth made sure to roll her eyes at Caleb visibly enough that Caduceus could see it. Having grown up with troublesome siblings, Caduceus ignored her.

“Caduceus is just trying to help,” Fjord said. “There’s no need to be rude.”

 _This_ was new – was Fjord getting defensive on his behalf? He slowed his pace a bit so that he and Fjord were walking side by side and placed a hand on Fjord’s shoulder soothingly. “It’s okay, Fjord,” he murmured, trying not to be overheard by Veth and Caleb, who were now several yards ahead. “It doesn’t bother me. Part of faith is being sure even when nobody else is.”

“But what if you have too much faith?” Fjord asked, slowing to a stop so he could look Caduceus in the eye. “I’m worried about Jester. What if Nott—er, Veth is right and no one arrives in time?”

“I admit, I don’t have much faith in the Traveler,” Caduceus confessed, “but. I do have faith in Jester. If nobody shows up, she will manage.”

A breeze swept through the grasslands around them, tossing around strands of Caduceus’s hair as he and Fjord stared at each other. A bird sang a whimsical melody in a bush nearby. Fjord lifted his hand up towards Caduceus’s face. “You have so much conviction,” he whispered.

Caduceus closed his eyes as Fjord’s palm cupped his jaw. It was definitely, definitely not unrequited, this love of his that made his heart beat so fiercely that it felt like it would jump out of his chest. Fjord leaned up, and Caduceus found himself instinctively leaning down, falling into his orbit without thinking about it, their noses brushing—

“Hey, let’s get going!” Veth shouted from ahead of them. “You can have a staring contest later!” Caduceus yanked his head back up, Fjord falling back to the balls of his feet, with a touch of plum in his face that, in hindsight, wasn’t a sunburn.

“For someone who’s obsessed with gossip, she’s really terrible at seeing what’s right in front of her,” Fjord muttered, moving into a walk again. “But if I just go on _watch_ with Jester, I never hear the end of it.”

So they were talking about this. Interesting. “Some people get used to seeing the world through one lens,” Caduceus replied as they hurried to catch up. “It takes practice to learn to see through others.”

Their long legs quickly caught them back up to where Veth stood with her hands on her hips, frowning at them. A quick glance at Caleb found him as unreadable as always, although Caduceus thought he saw the twitching hint of a smile at the side of his mouth.

“I think we should be at the volcano after another hour,” Fjord said, acting like nothing had happened. “Shall we go?” Without waiting for an answer, he plowed ahead through the brush, leaving the rest of them behind.

“ _He_ was the one being slow,” said Veth. “Can’t he make up his mind?”

Caduceus huffed a laugh and followed Fjord, like always.

* * *

They did indeed reach the volcano within the hour, but _climbing_ it was another story.

“This seems like a bad idea,” said Veth, surveying the steep hillside in front of them. “Fjord, can’t we destroy your last ball someplace else?”

Fjord pinched the bridge of his nose like he was getting a headache. “Do you have to phrase it like that _every time_?” he asked.

“Do you think we’ll need rope?” Caduceus asked, also checking out the hillside. “I have a lot of rope.”

“We definitely are going to need rope,” Fjord said, glancing at Caduceus with a smile. “Good thing you decided to come along.”

Caduceus smiled back at him, admiring the strong line of his jaw before he caught himself. Thankfully, they were with the two party members who were least likely to tease them about this – Veth because she didn’t notice, and Caleb because he was too busy thinking about other things to really care much about the romantic inclinations of his friends.

Suddenly, Jester’s voice rang out in Caduceus’s head. “Hey Caduceus! We are at the beach, and oh wow, there are people here! You won’t believe what we ran into on our way around—”

Caduceus said, “Thanks, Jester. We’re at the volcano, we’re about to destroy the orb. We’ll join you after.” He wrinkled his forehead. “Am I supposed to sing now or something? I don’t know how these work.”

“Message from Jester?” Fjord asked.

“They’re on the beach,” Caduceus told the group. “There are people there.” He smiled down at Veth. “See? Faith.” She stuck her tongue out at him.

“There has to be a faster way to get up the mountain,” Fjord said.

Wordlessly beside them, Caleb pulled out a feather and began to mutter. Caduceus’s feet lifted from the ground a moment later, and he glanced over in surprise to see that Fjord’s were also levitating.

“You two go ahead,” Caleb said. “I will transform into a large bird and bring Veth. We’ll be right behind you.”

Caduceus kicked up into the air, enjoying the feel of the wind around him. It seemed to take Fjord a little practice to follow and he wobbled a little in the air before heading after Caduceus. As they headed off towards the peak of the mountain in front of them, Caduceus turned back around to see a giant hawk following, Veth clinging to Caleb’s neck.

He glanced back at Fjord, who was grinning at him. “We should be there in no time!” Fjord exclaimed over the rushing sound of the wind. The thought of getting rid of the orb clearly had him almost giddy.

They arced gracefully over the lip of the crater at the volcano’s summit and came to a somewhat coordinated landing in the crater, which had clearly not erupted recently and was filled with the most stunning aquamarine lake that Caduceus had ever seen. He had a momentary panic – he’d only been to one other volcano in his life, and there the magma had been easily accessible – before Fjord glanced around and centered his attention on a spot a few yards away where the water was bubbling, like it was boiling hot.

“This seems as good a spot as any,” Fjord said as hawk-Caleb and Veth lighted to a landing next to them. The hawk turned back into Caleb once his feet were on solid ground, and he surveyed the area in front of them with a wrinkle in his forehead.

“Are we sure boiling water will do the same as hot magma?” Caleb asked.

“Honestly?” said Fjord, glancing at Caduceus. “I can’t say I have any idea what will work and what won’t. But even if we leave the orb here, it forces Uk’otoa’s minions to come _here_ to fetch it rather than chasing after me.”

Caduceus found himself fiercely glad at the thought of stopping all the pursuit of Fjord. Fjord was _his_ , his and the Wildmother’s. Uk’otoa had no power over him, not anymore.

“The orb, please?” Fjord continued, holding his hand out to Caleb.

Caleb took a long moment to survey the boiling water and the crater surrounding them before fumbling for the amber he carried on him and emerging with the piece that housed the last orb of Uk’otoa. He stepped forward and pressed it into Fjord’s palm.

“You’ve come very far, Fjord,” Caleb said. “I look forward to seeing how much further you have to go.”

Fjord smiled crookedly at him, one of his tusks catching on his bottom lip and making him looking particularly rogueish. Caduceus’s heart skipped another beat in his chest, and he sternly told it to behave.

Fjord took the orb, still encased in amber, and stepped up to the water’s edge. There, he seemed to waver, staring out at the unnatural aquamarine color of the lake beyond them. “Do you really think this will work?” he asked.

“Only one way to find out,” said Caduceus, stepping up to stand next to him. “This is the Wildmother’s domain as much as any other place. Shall we ask her?”

The ritual for Commune was more difficult to set up on the banks of a radiant volcanic lake, but not necessarily to the point that it was impossible. Caleb and Veth settled a slight distance away, talking quietly amongst themselves and leaving them to it. Caduceus seated himself with his long legs crossed facing Fjord, and closed his eyes, reaching out to take one of Fjord’s hands in his and running his fingers along Fjord’s knuckles.

“Wildmother,” he said softly, so only Fjord and himself could hear. “We have questions for you, and we hope for your guidance to find our path ahead.”

Across from him, he heard Fjord’s gasping intake of breath as he sensed the Wildmother’s radiant presence suddenly join them, electrifying every nerve ending in Caduceus’s body with Her magnificence. She connected them both with all of the nature around them, from the jungle and the wildlands spreading across the island around them to the pool of volcanic water practically lapping at their feet. Thrumming beneath the divine presence that encircled them, Caduceus could feel Fjord’s pulse in his wrist beating steadily against his fingertips.

A warm wind blew between them, inviting their questions.

“I have three questions,” Caduceus murmured, for Fjord’s ears alone. “If you wish to have input.” He opened one eye to watch the corner of Fjord’s mouth twitch.

“Ask where we should throw the orb of Uk’otoa to destroy it,” Fjord whispered, never opening his own eyes.

“Wildmother,” Caduceus said. “Where is the best place in this volcano to destroy the orb of Uk’otoa?”

The wind stirred around them warmly, twirling around their joined palms before rushing away, not in the direction of the boiling water but instead around the crater’s edge, seemingly headed towards the opposite side of the lake. Caduceus nodded sagely; they had been looking in the wrong place. It seemed like that was pretty common for mortals.

“I’ve got it.” He thought for a moment. “Will destroying the orb remove Fjord from Uk’otoa’s influence?”

The wind blew again between them, warm and comforting, like an embrace.

“Looks like it will work,” Caduceus said softly. “I have one more question.”

Fjord’s eyes opened then, their gazes meeting. “Ask the Wildmother if she minds,” Fjord said.

Caduceus blinked. “Minds what?”

Fjord smiled at him, so fondly that it made Caduceus’s heart ache. “How much we care about each other,” he said, so free of the bonds of the terrible chains that had once anchored him and his ability to express his emotions that Caduceus wanted to lift him into the air and spin him and would have done so had they not been in a very serious moment.

So happy was he that Fjord was referring to a feeling without wanting to throw himself into the nearest body of water that it took a few moments to realize that Fjord was referring to _them_.

“Really?” he asked breathlessly, even though he knew it was true on his part, had known it was true for quite awhile.

“Are you going to ask?” Fjord asked with a smile.

Caduceus steadfastly closed his eyes again, desperately trying to flounder through his own sea of emotions to find the tether to the Wildmother once more. “Mother,” he said, so glad that Veth and Caleb were out of earshot. “Fjord asks…do you mind? How we feel about each other?”

The wind began to gather, warm and soft, pressing against his cheek. It grew to encompass him wholly, cradling him, and when he glanced over, Fjord was also buffeted by a clear breeze, his smile radiant.

“I think we have Her blessing,” he murmured as the wind around them died back down.

Caduceus gave a slow smile. The Commune faded like it had never been there, and he slowly pulled himself to his feet, holding out a hand for Fjord.

Fjord took the offered hand and allowed Caduceus to pull him up to standing before turning the tables on him, tugging him in, and leaning up on his tiptoes to press a gentle kiss against Caduceus’s mouth, right there in the crater of a volcano next to an unnatural-looking lake, with Caleb and Veth looking on.

(“ _Is this a religion thing_?” Caduceus vaguely heard Veth ask Caleb, who shushed her.)

Fjord pulled away before Caduceus had more than a moment to kick his brain into gear and kiss him back, but he didn’t stray far, pushing their foreheads together and grinning at him. “I hear we have an orb to destroy,” he murmured.

Caduceus nodded, but couldn’t seem to pull himself away from the warmth of Fjord’s touch, especially since Fjord had cupped his jaw again and was softly drawing his thumb against the gentle slope of Caduceus’s cheek.

He’d never felt like this before, and all he could do was lean in and capture Fjord’s mouth once more, suddenly understanding why all the legends and stories included romantic love when before it had seemed so superfluous.

A gentle breeze blew up around them, headed in the direction the Wildmother had urged Caduceus in earlier, and Caduceus gave a disbelieving laugh, embarrassed by how giddy he sounded. Fjord’s gaze caught his and his stomach swooped as though he’d jumped off a ten foot cliff with no Feather Fall spell to guide him down.

“Hey Fjord!” Veth shouted. “Weren’t you looking to unload a ball?! Quit making out with Caduceus and let’s get this over with.” When Caduceus finally peeled his gaze from Fjord to glance in her direction, she was eyeing the oddly-colored lake with obvious distaste. Apparently, she _had_ noticed the romance brewing under her nose after all.

“Yes, we have an errand to finish,” he said softly, taking Fjord’s hand in his. Slowly he began to lead him in the direction that the Wildmother had pointed them, relishing the feeling of Fjord’s hand in his, the love that had filled his heart to almost bursting for _months_ suddenly safe to express.

It took them a good ten minutes to trek around the side of the crater with Caleb and Veth trailing them, but ultimately the guidance bore fruit. On the opposite side of the small lake, right where the Wildmother had directed, Caduceus found a vent in the earth, hot steam slowly wafting from it. There was just enough room for them to throw a certain orb through to the superhot forces below.

Fjord regarded the vent, clutching the amber that held the orb in his free hand. “Hey, Caleb!” he yelled over his shoulder. “Can you remove this from the amber?”

Caleb hurried to catch up and took the amber back from Fjord. He placed it on the ground between them and muttered an incantation that Caduceus didn’t quite catch; a moment later, the amber vanished, replaced by the full-sized orb that had been frozen in it.

They all stared at the orb for a moment.

“Do you think I can just…kick it in?” Fjord asked, clearly not wanting to touch it.

Caduceus took a step forward, dropping Fjord’s hand and crouching onto his heels to peer down at it. He looked back up at Fjord. “I can do it. If you don’t mind?”

“You’re sure?” Fjord asked. “I wouldn’t…if he hurts you—”

“He can’t touch me,” Caduceus reassured him, already reaching for the orb.

It turned out maybe he’d had a bit too much faith. The moment his fingers closed around the orb’s smooth surface, everything went black.

* * *

Caduceus opened his eyes in a seascape, gasping with surprise as water filled his lungs. He could still breathe, almost as though someone had cast Water Breathing on him, but he had no memory of Fjord doing so before the bright sky of Rumblecusp had disappeared from view.

Next to him, a giant yellow eye blinked open.

Caduceus started backwards in surprise, flailing his arms out to keep facing upright in the water around him. The eye regarded him for a moment, blinking a few times like it didn’t quite know what to make of him. Caduceus was pretty sure he knew whom it belonged to, and he wasn’t thrilled about the prospect.

 _Punish_ , a voice said in his mind, deep and low.

“You’re not very good at this, are you?” he said softly into the water, surprised to hear his voice carry. “Keeping patrons. Punishing a plant is not a good way to get it to grow healthy and strong. You have to nurture it.”

The eye blinked again. _Consume?_ The voice sounded confused.

“And this expectation that people will just let you consume them,” Caduceus continued. “It doesn’t work like that. Consumption is a gift, freely given. We eat the food the Mother gives us, and then we return to the earth when we die, and the Mother grows more food from us. The consumption you want is parasitic. It’s not a healthy way to build champions.”

There was a sudden warmth in his chest and he breathed with relief – the Wildmother was still with him.

Despite there not being a visible eyelid, Caduceus got the impression that the eye narrowed at him.

 _Punish!_ The voice thundered. _Wander. Watching. Disobey._

“I’m sorry to leave you in such a predicament,” Caduceus said, not sorry at all, but his parents had, after all, raised him to be polite and compassionate to everyone. He supposed it would suck to get two out of three orbs necessary to be unsealed and then have your warlock simply decide he wasn’t going to be your warlock anymore, carting the third orb around endlessly.

But Uk’otoa had killed Fjord, and Caduceus was still mad about that. “Next time, maybe don’t kill your former patron just because you can’t control him.”

 _Disobey_ , the beast said stubbornly.

“Yes, sometimes he can be disobedient,” Caduceus said, thinking of Jester and Beau defacing the homes of people who hadn’t been able to return to them in ten years and Fjord standing around watching. “But he has his own mind, and I love him for it. What you want is to _possess_ him. That’s not a healthy relationship. You should probably talk to someone about that.”

The water around him began to grow turbulent, and for the first time, Caduceus wondered if he was in danger. He made a fist and realized, suddenly, that he was still clutching the orb of Uk’otoa in one hand, the surface smooth beneath his palm. He glanced down at it briefly.

 _Punish!!!_ Uk’otoa shouted into the void, as much as a sealed, deadly evil leviathan could shout. The eye blinked again and then focused laserlike on Caduceus. _Possess!_

With the last thundering syllable, the ability to breathe was suddenly stripped from him. Water flooded his lungs, and Caduceus gasped on nothing, his hand flying to his throat. In the other hand, he still clutched the orb.

Caduceus realized struggling was fruitless – the air wasn’t returning – and forced himself calm. He would either drown, or he wouldn’t. Calm was the best way he could fight to survive. To survive for _Fjord_. He didn’t want to think what it would do to Fjord if his former patron was the one responsible for Caduceus’s death.

He concentrated on the warmth that was building in his chest – the Wildmother, strengthening him. _Wildmother_ , he thought, desperately. _Please, I need Your help._ He didn’t often use Divine Intervention – he preferred to commune with his goddess – but desperate times called for desperate measures.

For a long moment, it seemed as though nothing happened.

Then, in the space of a breath, the orb in his hand grew hot, even as Caduceus felt his vision beginning to blur with the lack of oxygen. Just before the orb became too hot to hold, his ability to breathe was suddenly restored, and Caduceus gasped a grateful breath into the ocean surrounding him, thanking the Wildmother silently.

 _Possess!_ The leviathan thundered. _Disobey! Punish!_

The orb in his palm was rapidly becoming a superheated coal, and he resisted the urge to drop it. He had faith that the Wildmother wouldn’t hurt him.

“No,” Caduceus said clearly. He opened his eyes and looking directly into the yellow eye facing him.

“He’s chosen _us_. He’s chosen _me._ ”

There was a loud _crack._ The orb in his hand shattered into a million pieces.

A moment later, the eye in front of him shattered as well, with one last plaintive _punish…_ that echoed through the ocean surrounding him.

Caduceus floated, still catching his breath, not sure what had happened. Had he and the Wildmother _defeated_ Uk’otoa? Was the orb destroyed on the material plane as well as…wherever he’d been taken? Would he wake up soon?

In front of him, bubbles started to whirl in a maelstrom, and the image of the Wildmother appeared before him, her hair drifting around her like she too was underwater.

“Wildmother,” Caduceus whispered.

“ _You did well,”_ she said. “ _Now, it’s time to go back. He’s waiting for you_.”

* * *

Caduceus awoke face down on the ground, coughing up water like a drowned man.

“Caduceus!” Fjord shouted immediately, a warm hand going to his back, another holding his hair from his face as he coughed weakly against the firm, warm ground of the volcanic crater.

“Oh shit, he’s copying your trick,” Veth said.

Caduceus gasped pure, slightly sulfur-tinged air, filling his lungs gratefully. He lifted his head to meet Fjord’s concerned gaze, watching as Fjord checked him over to make sure he was in one piece.

“You—you—” Fjord was sputtering, clearly furious. “You can’t just—if he’d hurt you—”

Caduceus felt around the ground around him, searching for the orb. It lay next to his hand, still whole, but not for long. He looked up at Fjord again, smiled grimly, and grasped the orb once more.

“ _No—_! Are you even listening—” Fjord said, but this time no darkness overtook him. Caduceus just gave him a weak smile and crawled the several feet to the vent.

“He chose _us_ ,” he whispered again at the orb, as fiercely as he could manage. Then, he rolled the orb into the vent.

The whole island shook.

“Shit!” Fjord yelled. “What was that!”

The Wildmother was still with Caduceus in his heart, and a gentle breeze ran through his hair to reassure him that such a reaction was normal.

“Uk’otoa is gone,” Caduceus said, turning around to face Fjord and sitting back, exhausted. “You’re free.”

Fjord stared at him.

“I told him to go away. The Wildmother helped,” Caduceus continued.

“You told him. To _go away_?!”

Caduceus gave him another small smile. “I also told him he forms unhealthy relationships and he should talk to someone about that.”

“You told my evil patron to go to _therapy_?!” Fjord stared at him, clearly flabbergasted. Caduceus sighed, knowing he was probably going to yell some more until he got it out of his system, and then blinked in astonishment as warm arms surrounded him and he had a lapful of Fjord, hugging him tightly and pressing his nose into the crook of Caduceus’s long neck. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” he whispered against Caduceus’s skin. “Thank Melora you’re okay.”

Caduceus closed his eyes happily, breathing in the fresh air of the island, feeling the warmth and weight of Fjord against him, and being so, so thankful to be alive. That they were _both_ alive. He ran his fingers through Fjord’s hair, astonished at being able to touch him so freely.

Someone cleared their throat.

“I’m glad you are okay, Caduceus, and you were able to destroy the orb,” Caleb said awkwardly. “But it is starting to grow late, and we should continue if we want to reach the beach by nightfall.” The tone of his voice implied that they should very much want to reach the beach by nightfall, a sentiment that Caduceus shared.

Fjord pulled himself from Caduceus’s arms, coughing in embarrassment, the green of his cheeks flushed slightly red. “Yes, of course,” he said. “We should get going.” He glanced at Caduceus again. “Are you able to walk?”

With Fjord’s help, Caduceus was able to get shakily to his feet and found he could, indeed, walk. Gingerly, Fjord’s arm never quite leaving Caduceus’s waist, they began to make their way back to the edge of the crater.

“I don’t suppose you want to burn another Fly spell?” Fjord asked with a cheeky grin at Caleb that didn’t quite reach his eyes. He was clearly still shaken by everything that had happened.

“That would certainly be the fastest way to rejoin our friends,” Caleb said thoughtfully after a moment. He produced the feather from his component pouch, and soon Caduceus and Fjord were airborne once more, Caleb polymorphed and following them with Veth on his back.

* * *

They rejoined their friends just as the sun was beginning to set over the horizon, on the far beach as planned. As Jester had reported, there were other followers of the Traveler there, and in the ensuing chaos of their return, nobody had time to notice Caduceus and Fjord’s new closeness or bother them much about what had happened at the volcano other than to confirm that the orb had been destroyed.

As the sun began to paint the sky with oranges and reds, Caduceus found himself sitting by the sea by himself, concentrating on the nature around him (and trying to ignore all the shouting and laughter coming from down the beach, even though they, too, were creatures of the Wildmother). He let his mind wander back to all that he’d experienced that day. He’d stood up against a leviathan and told him “no”. He’d protected Fjord.

He’d _kissed_ Fjord. Fjord had kissed _him_.

He could feel his heartbeat fluttering at the memory of Fjord’s lips against his, of Fjord hugging him tightly, whispering, “ _you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me_.” He’d never felt like this before. He was scared. He was elated. He wanted to run back home and pretend he’d never met the Mighty Nein. He wanted to dance across the beach playing his gone but not forgotten bone flute.

But wasn’t it true, that his life since he’d joined the Mighty Nein had been filled with new feelings, new experiences, and learning about himself? All of them had been frightening at first – and almost all of them had eventually brought him to a place where he was more comfortable being himself, stronger and more capable and with _friends_.

A footfall sounded behind him, and perceptive as always, Caduceus turned to see Fjord grinning down at him. “Hello.”

“Hey,” Caduceus said, unable to help the easy smile that spread across his face even as he felt his cheeks heating. “The sunset’s really something, out here.”

Fjord gave a small chuckle. The next thing Caduceus knew, Fjord was seating himself next to him on the sand in a puff of displaced air that somehow still smelled good despite that they’d trekked across an island in the heat all day.

They sat there watching the sunset and listening to the waves for several minutes before Fjord glanced over at him.

“Are you okay?” he asked, his voice so soft – so _different_ from the person he’d been when Caduceus had met him, so many months ago – that Caduceus’s heart felt like it was melting.

Caduceus thought about it in silence for a moment, his heart pounding as loudly as the waves hitting the shoreline near them. “Ever since I joined the Mighty Nein, my life has been new experiences,” he finally said, turning and meeting Fjord’s concerned gaze. “It hasn’t always been easy, hasn’t always been comfortable. But it’s important. The Wildmother meant me to learn something from it, to grow. All those years, alone at the Blooming Grove, I was _stagnant_.” Fjord watched him carefully, thoughtfully. “So this…this is new for me, just like everything else,” Caduceus continued, gesturing between the two of them. “And yeah, it’s pretty scary.” He felt another wisp of a smile. “But I’m pretty excited to get used to it.”

Fjord answered Caduceus’s smile with his own. “It’s scary for me, too,” he confessed, turning to gaze out at the ocean. “For years, I had no one, not even myself. I spent so long trying to be someone else that I forgot what it meant to be me. The Mighty Nein – _you_ – have given me that gift back.” He reached over and took Caduceus’s hand in his. “I’m scared to death that I’m going to screw this up in some way, but…you’re important to me.”

Fjord was staring at him again. Caduceus met his eyes, trying for fearless but feeling his mouth go dry all the same under that calm yellow gaze.

“Seeing you die in front of me was my worst nightmare,” he confessed.

Fjord reached out with his free hand and cupped Caduceus’s face, an action that Caduceus was very quickly beginning to get used to. He studied him for a long moment. “Thinking Uk’otoa was going to kill you was mine,” he said, his voice low.

Caduceus couldn’t help himself any longer. He closed his eyes and leaned in, Fjord meeting him halfway to press a kiss into his mouth, stroking his cheek with a warm thumb. After a moment, Fjord pulled back again, laughing slightly.

“Sorry, the tusks make it awkward—” he began.

“I like _all_ of you,” Caduceus said firmly, reeling him in again to kiss him soundly. There would be none of that here, between them.

They kissed there, in the sand in front of a sunset, for several minutes before Fjord pulled away again, resting his forehead against Caduceus’s.

“I know this is new for you,” he murmured. “We can do this however you like. You figure out what you want, you tell me if anything makes you uncomfortable. I want whatever you want, and I’m willing to take our time to figure this out. We don’t answer to anyone but ourselves.”

Caduceus’s heart soared. “And the Wildmother,” he said fondly.

“And the Wildmother, but somehow I don’t think she’ll have a problem with that,” Fjord said dryly, leaning in to kiss him again. Waves crashed in the distance. Caduceus felt like he was about to float away. Was this what it was always like??? Suddenly he understood why Jester always read those books of hers.

“Oh my _god_ , are you guys _kissing_?!” came an exclamation from behind them. Fjord and Caduceus broke apart and turned to see Jester grinning at them, tail arced in a question mark at her back like it was punctuating her statement.

“Oh, ja,” said Caleb from where he was sitting against a log, not even looking up from his book. “They’ve been doing that.”

“And you didn’t say _anything?!”_ Jester shrieked. “This is big news!”

Caduceus hid his face in Fjord’s shoulder, even though he was very used to these weird siblings he’d acquired by now and should have foreseen this reaction. He was just glad Jester didn’t seem upset, although given their previous conversation, that made sense.

“Veth knew, too,” Caleb said, still not even looking up.

“Oh my _god_!” Jester said, running down the beach. “Veth! BEAU!”

Fjord shook with laughter against Caduceus’s cheek. “Well, now the entire island knows.” He looked down at Caduceus with a somewhat dopey smile, which Caduceus had a feeling was reflected on his own face.

“It was inevitable,” Caduceus said, unable to help laughing with him, despite the fact that people knowing anything about his personal business made him deeply uncomfortable. Fjord _was_ good for him.

Ignoring the sounds of yelling down the beach, Fjord took Caduceus’s hand in his again and leaned in for another kiss.

“You know I still cannot make a side bubble in the Tiny Hut, ja?” Caleb said from behind them.

Fjord broke the kiss with a gusty laugh, tossing a quick rude hand gesture in Caleb’s direction. “They’re never going to let us hear the end of this,” he murmured.

“That’s okay,” Caduceus said back softly. “I can make them regret it. Ask my siblings sometime.”

Fjord smiled at him like he was never going to run out of smiles, and Caduceus pressed his hand against Fjord’s chest, feeling his heartbeat, gloriously alive.

Of course it was terrifying, loving another person this much – but Caduceus was beginning to realize it was worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> Setting note - I was imaging Rumblecusp as being a smaller version of the island from Lost, if you need a visual for what their interior trek was like. The volcanic lake was based on [this beautiful lake](https://i.imgur.com/YsRsNmA.jpg) I saw in Iceland. All the tooth rotting fluff is my own.
> 
> Please come hang out with me on [tumblr](https://the-kaedageist.tumblr.com/) and talk to me about Critical Role!


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